What if we could take our situation exactly as it is right now and accept it? What if we are perfectly acceptable just the way we are? What if I look just about the same in my next-size jeans as I did in the smaller size? What if we really believed theologian Paul Tillich's words: "You are accepted, accepted by that which is greater than you. Do not try to do anything right now; perhaps later you will do much. Do not seek for anything; do not perform anything; do not intend anything. Simply accept the fact that you are accepted. Sometimes it happens that we receive the power to say ‘yes' to ourselves. [And we realize] grace has come upon us." We are not broken so we don't have to fix ourselves. We are perfect in our imperfection.

This may seem completely counterintuitive to our 30-Day Balance Experiment. After all, didn't we start this program with the goal to balance our lives...minds, hearts, bodies, and souls? Maybe the way to become balanced is to start with how God created us to begin with: whole, holy, pure, with a purpose. Let's do that. But also keep exercising!

SPIRITUAL thought/action:  Today I believe the truth that I am accepted by God. (Just the way I am.)

PHYSICAL thought/action: Today I dress up to meet my destiny and greet the day with hope.

INTELLECTUAL thought/action: "In fact, were it given to our eye of flesh to see into the consciousness of others, we should judge a [woman] much more surely from what [she] dreams than from what [she] thinks." Victor Hugo, Les Miserables

EMOTIONAL thought/action: "Take delight in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart." Psalms 37:4   "Oprah Winfrey once said that God's dreams for her were much more than she could ever have dreamed for herself. I don't think any of our dreams begin to come close to the dreams Spirit has waiting with our names on them. I also believe we'll only find out once we start investing our emotions in authentic expression, and not in specific outcomes....dream, do, and detach." Sarah Ban Breathnach, Simple Abundance

Angel Fire, New Mexico is a one-ski town. Literally a single street leads up to the ski lift but one will enjoy great mountain views, great food, in-your-eyes-to-die-for starry nights, and if lucky, a double rainbow. We rented a charming house set on meadows at the base of the Sangre de Cristo Mountains, had gourmet meals at the brand new Angel Fire Resort Country Club (open to the public), barbeque chicken and brisket (the best!) from the local market, and saw the most spectacular rainbow and stars we have ever seen. Mike loved the golf course, difficult because it is so narrow.

I was going to write but instead treated myself to reading Agatha Christie and The Adventures of Sherlock Holmes. Back to soaring heat in Oklahoma, but the hot is almost over. I couldn't believe that I haven't gained weight but I haven't!  The reason? Exercise. I've been consistently exercising since we started our Balance Experiment. So far this month I've walked or done the elliptical 24 ½ miles (that's how much I used to move in an entire month), and I have 15 days left. Funny how regular exercise makes a difference. How is your exercise program coming along?

SPIRITUAL thought/action: In my frantic state of useless anxiety, please calm me with your supreme serenity, knowing that as a child of God I can tap into universal intelligence when I am quiet, so quiet that I can hear my eyelashes move. Magic Refrigerator

PHYSICAL thought/action:  Every day I will commit as much time to honoring my body by exercising as I do eating, talking, or worrying.

INTELLECTUAL thought/action: "But if you have nothing at all to create, then perhaps you create yourself." Carl Jung

EMOTIONAL thought/action: "What a wonderful life I've had!  I only wish I'd realized it sooner." Colette

When I came back from doing my errands in 300 degree weather (okay, it's only 104), all I wanted to do was have a cold beer. (I did.) In this kind of heat, everything on my body swells. I took off my earrings, they hurt my ear lobes. I took off my rings, my necklace. I'd take off my tissue thin cotton cover up if I could but no way am I exposing these crepe paper upper arms, not even to Dog Aussie. I flip off my flip flops. I'd like to take all my clothes off and sit in a cool bath with bubbles hiding every inch of me. I might still do that.

Balancing my body in this kind of weather seems ridiculous and out of the question. I am reminded of Geneen Roth's advice: feel your feelings don't feed them. What my brain says to me: "Relax. It's hot. Have a beer. And ice cream. Your feet are already swollen, have some wine. You exercised today, you'll burn it off. You've done well. Give yourself a treat. You can't even go outside, for Pete's sake, have some chocolate. Call me in the morning."

But what's really bothering me? The fact that I haven't made a dramatic difference in my body shape/size since leading this Balance Experiment? Or, that I fear my novel- in-progress will never be good enough to get published, or if published, earn me the respect of those who know about it?

SPIRITUAL thought/action:  "Don't worry that your talent won't be adequate to the task. Spirit always chooses us as servants of work perfectly suited to our personal gifts, even if we beg to differ. A low opinion of our abilities is a handy cop-out when facing creative challenges, but the Great Creator is on to us by now. Actually, feeling inadequate to the task we're asked to do seems to be a spiritual prerequisite." Sarah Ban Breathnach, Simple Abundance

PHYSICAL thought/action: I will listen to my body even if I'm holding my ears at the same time.

MENTAL thought/action: "The main point to remember is once the subconscious mind accepts an idea, it begins to execute it." Joseph Murphy, The Power of the Subconscious Mind.

EMOTIONAL thought/action: How do we prepare ourselves to enter our altered states of consciousness "past the sentries in the brain, beyond the barbed wire barricades of the heart" where we meet the center of our self to tap our creativity? "By showing up. Day in, day out. By not judging how it's going. If it's going at all, that's enough. You can't afford to think about how the work will be received when you're finished. That's not your job. Remember we're learning to surrender the delivery details of our dreams." Sarah Ban Breathnach, Simple Abundance

I also have to admit that I let our TOTG formula skip yesterday. I got in a tizz about, well, everything. I allowed myself to be mad about my less-than-thin body (although I practiced ‘accepting the unacceptable' and bought two pairs of pants a size larger at ridiculously low sale prices at Balliet's). I allowed those little worrywart demons dance in my head about all the work that has to be done at my mother's house (the roof, the this, the that). And I committed the grievous mistake of letting this demon in my head: "You won't be able to do THAT." The THAT in this case is taking my mother to New York in September. I will be flying up with my husband for his business meeting but staying the weekend after he returns to Oklahoma for a visit with his daughters. A senior ticket to NYC is very reasonable and the overall cost of the trip doesn't have to be an arm and a leg. But this little demon likes to block our heart's desires. And all the while, what did I forget to do? TOTG. Turn Over To God!

So that's what I'm doing. When I find myself in a tizzy, TOTG. Why can't I remember this? Because those little demons work 24/7 in our daily minds to knock us off our Balance Pedestal. Sojourners, back on the Balance Pedestal!

SPIRITUAL thought/action:  "Be still, and know that I am God."

PHYSICAL thought/action: Nothing is as important as exercising the body God gave us whether is for 15 minutes or 60 minutes. Every day. When we commit to this small outlay of time, our muscles, every organ in our body, our minds say thank you!

MENTAL thought/action: "It is inevitable when one has a great need of something, one finds it. What you need, you attract like a lover." Gertrude Stein

EMOTIONAL thought/action: "Gratitude is the heart's memory." French proverb "Begin this day to explore and integrate this beautiful, life-affirming principle into your life, and the miracle you have been seeking will unfold to your wonder and amazement." Sarah Ban Breathnach

"Look within. Your [authentic self] has lit lanterns of love to illuminate the path to Wholeness. [and Balance]. At long last, the journey you were destined to take has begun." Sarah Ban Breathnach, Simple Abundance (One of my favorite resources!)

SPIRITUAL thought/action: "Do not try to make yourself into something you're not. Just try making the best of what God made. The sacred art and craft of nurturing our souls and the souls of those we love is Simple Abundance soulcraft. Begin today by turning on the Light." Sarah Ban Breathnach, Simple Abundance 

PHYSICAL thought/action: "Beauty is an internal light, a spiritual radiance that all women have but most women hide, unconsciously, denying its existence. What we do not claim remains invisible." Marianne Williamson

MENTAL thought/action: "The only real elegance is in the mind; if you've got that, the rest really comes from it." Diana Vreeland

EMOTIONAL thought/action: "If we go down into ourselves we find that we possess exactly what we desire." Simone Weil, French philosopher and mystic.

Stay cool, full of light, love, hope. The rest follows.

Physical Education or P.E. was never my favorite class. I hated those stiff and ill-fitting white shirts and shorts. I never liked ball sports (my husband tells me all sports are ball sports) because I could never see the ball. It wasn't until college when I could satisfy my P.E. requirement with modern dance that I started to love movement. (As far as ‘uniforms, give me black tights any day!) After college I took up jogging and wish my body could still take the impact. But we all still need PE- Protein and Exercise. Each one of us needs both every day. My E-exercise now is walking and the elliptical. I probably have bored you plenty with descriptions of how protein versus sugar makes me feel. If you take anything away from our Balance Experiment, take PE -Protein and Exercise. Incorporate PE into your life every day, little by little if necessary.

My college Logic class, on the other hand, I loved. All those ‘If P, then Q' syllogisms. If P -all women are divine and you are a woman, Then Q- you are divine.  If we focus on Protein and Exercise, Then we will have Balanced Bodies. In short, If PE, Then BB.

One more letter game: TOTG. Turn Over To God. I'll be in the middle of some imagining, something I want to happen, like my dear friend Gail meeting the love of her life, and knowing someone I want to introduce her to and wondering, how can I make that happen, what can I do, and then I worry about it. STOP! TOTG. I forgot that God is waiting for us to give Him a job! I forgot that I can just turn my worries over to him, all of them, all of those little worrywarts running around in my head. Turn Over To God. He asks us to do that.

SPIRITUAL thought/action: "To maintain inner harmony it is essential for me to ransom at least an hour's worth of solitude out of every twenty-four and to defend this soul-sustaining respite against all intruders and distractions." We all need what Mary Sarton called ‘open time, with no obligations except toward the inner world and what is going on there'...to find "the delicate balance between our deepest personal passions and our commitment to family, friends, lovers, and work." Sarah Ban Breathnach, Simple Abundance  Today I will add units of solitude.

PHYSICAL thought/action: Today I will add units of P-Protein and units of E-Exercise.

MENTAL thought/action: Today I will practice TOTG- Turn Over To God all my concerns, anxieties, fears, and desires.

EMOTIONAL thought/action: Today I will add units of happiness- whatever it is that makes me happy, I will give myself permission to enjoy.

"Often people attempt to live their lives backwards: they try to have more things or more money, in order to do more of what they want so that they will be happier. The way it actually works is the reverse. You must first BE who you really are, then, DO what you need to do, in order to HAVE what you want." Margaret Young

Yesterday was a sugar overload day that I don't need to repeat. Checking in with mind and body, it was evident my body didn't want any more sugar the rest of the day after the white wine and ice cream with chocolate sauce I had at lunch. What was going on in my mind that muted my balance button resulting in an insulin pike? Mike and I had hosted two couples yesterday here at Lake Aluma. The wives, once so active and vibrant, are fighting serious health challenges. Did a tiny panic button override my balance button? Did I subconsciously fear a similar fate?

After a toss and turn sleep, I vowed to take specific action today to counterbalance the sugar shock I gave myself. 1-High protein breakfast: scrambled eggs cooked with olive oil, hot tea and skim milk. 2- Half-mile walk (our dog Aussie turns around because of the heat), two miles on the elliptical, NO stretches (which got me in trouble last week). 3-Writing this newsletter! Balance Priorities! And while I still feel puffy in hand and foot, tummy and thigh, I do have a sense of control and RESOLVE never again to jeopardize my health (by eating too much sugar in one day) because I fear for my health (in future days).  

SPIRITUAL thought/action: "God has not given us the spirit of fear but of power, and of love, and a sound mind." 2 Timothy 1:7

PHYSICAL thought/action: Today I stop compulsive behavior; it never gives me what I seek.

MENTAL thought/action: Today I fearlessly focus on my goals and heart's desires.

EMOTIONAL thought/action: Today I leave the past behind and create my life with a clean slate. (and a plate full of protein!)

SPIRITUAL thought/action: Accepting the unacceptable transforms and opens up whole new horizons. (Following my first rule of the universe from Magic Refrigerator can be quite irritating sometimes.) Today I accept that my body can no longer perform any of the dance stretches I've done for 45 years. Here's the transformation part: "Almighty God, who art ever present in the world without me, in my spirit within me, and in the unseen world above me, let me carry with me through this day's life a most real sense of Thy power and Thy glory." John Baillie, A Diary of Private Prayer.

PHYSICAL thought/action: Today I will listen to my body in deep silence. I will rest, if my body needs rest. I will eat, if my body needs nourishment. I will give thanks throughout the day that I can see, hear, speak, and move freely.

MENTAL thought/action: "What I dream of is an art of balance, of purity and serenity devoid of troubling or depressing subject matter...a soothing, calming influence on the mind." Henri Matisse

EMOTIONAL thought/action: "By accepting the indescribable joy that comes from communion with you, Lord, may I be ready to accept all circumstances of life with serenity." Mike Anderson, Scent of Life.

I also feel really good because I completed a project I've been working on (finishing Visionary Oklahoma Women's IRS application for 501c3 status; yes, it's as exciting as it sounds), wrote the thank-you notes I couldn't seem to write during my cancer trauma, and exercised three miles! Just goes to show that what we think about ourselves can be way off!

SPIRITUAL thought/action: Ask: What is it that I really want? (If God told you He would give you whatever you asked, what would you say?) I really want a balanced body and I really want to write a well-read and enjoyable novel.

PHYSICAL thought/action: Ask: Is this (piece of pie, candy, bread) worth it? You and I are free to eat it, but is it worth it? (I actually threw some rhubarb/strawberry pie away today.)

MENTAL thought/action: Today I will focus on what I want, not what I don't want. Clicking through our ‘to-do' list (exercise, write those thank-you notes, finish a project) is the best way to clear our heads. It helps if I write down what I want to accomplish; my subconscious mind likes to know the program so it can start working on it.

EMOTIONAL thought/action: Clicking through our ‘to-do' list (exercise, write those thank-you notes, finish a project) is the best way to clear our heads and our hearts.

One of our sojourners has lost 8.5 pounds! Another one has lost 11 pounds!! I haven't been as successful, but on the other hand, I have released some clothes I've been holding onto. I plan to release other garments that aren't the new balanced, stylish me. By the way, instead of beating myself up for not feeling good in a bathing suit, I have changed what I wear to a swimming pool: black exercise pants to the knee and a black camisole. The new Baby Boomer Bathing Suit!

Giving old concepts of myself, making way for new concepts......

SPIRITUAL thought/action: "The more we recognize the neglected and unseen dimensions of our lives, the more enriched and balanced we become. It takes a lifetime's work to belong fully in your life. It is almost as if each event, each encounter, and experience is a pathway to be explored and lived. Then the wisdom of the soul harvests it and brings its treasures back...to the deepest circle of your self." Eternal Echoes, John O' Donohue.

PHYSICAL thought/action: "More and more I am learning to listen to my body and be sensitive to its needs." BelleRuth Naparstak

MENTAL thought/action: "You remain unaware of your freedom to change how you think. When your thinking is locked in false certainty or negativity, it puts so many interesting and vital areas of life out of your reach. You live impoverished and hungry in the midst of your own abundance." Eternal Echoes, John O' Donohue  

EMOTIONAL thought/action: Today I appreciate what I have instead of valuing what I don't have. Today I fill my subconsious mind with abundance and fulfillment.

My dear friend Skipper is here from Honolulu. Next year we will have known each other for 40 years. Having grown up an Air Force brat, I cherish my few long-standing friendships. Skipper, who was a Navy brat, has always been in the forefront of spiritual, mind-body practices. Her latest focus is "Intention and Ease." Every action first starts with an intention, in our case, to balance. It is important to then release our attachment to the results; that's the ease. We are so certain of reaching our goal that we let go and relax. That is when our goals come rushing to meet us.

Oprah in O Magazine: "Since I began giving myself permission to eat what my body desires, instead of what my head tells me I should have, my relationship with food has become more peaceful. I might even say joyful." (based on her embracing Geneen Roth's Women Food and God).

SPIRITUAL thought/action: "Whatsoever you ask in prayer, believe that you will receive it and you will." Mark 11:24

PHYSICAL thought/action: "I declare myself ready to release myself from the quicksand of limiting thoughts, from the false pride of wanting to be perfect." BelleRuth Naparstak

MENTAL thought/action: "The blue print I hold in my mind is of me doing what I love to do without a thought." BelleRuth Naparstak

EMOTIONAL thought/action:

Surprise Ending    by Maria Veres

"I expect a tiara.

I get a one-eighth-carat diamond bought on sale,

a growly Prince Not-So-Charming who tracks mud on the carpet.

Too late I discover why those smiley-baby magazine pictures

are deliberately left unscented.

No one tells me how much kids' bikes and broken legs cost

how much everything costs, especially sleep

how many tear-sogged tissues I'll use

on the path to womanly fulfillment

how I might run away forever

if not for that one crystal morning,

all of us outside sucking perfect icicles

if not for wild blackberries behind the shed,

so many, our bucket overflows

if not for the scent of pumpkin bread

the arms circling my too-thick waist for no reason

promising I haven't flunked Happy Family 101, after all."

Intention and Ease~  Lolly

Surprise Ending

by Maria Veres

I expect a tiara.

I get a one-eighth-carat diamond bought on sale,

a growly Prince Not-So-Charming who tracks mud on the carpet.

Too late I discover why

those smiley-baby magazine pictures

are deliberately left unscented.

No one tells me how much kids' bikes and broken legs cost

how much everything costs, especially sleep

how many tear-sogged tissues I'll use

on the path to womanly fulfillment

how I might run away forever

if not for that one crystal morning,

all of us outside sucking perfect icicles

if not for wild blackberries behind the shed,

so many, our bucket overflows

if not for the scent of pumpkin bread

the arms circling my too-thick waist for no reason

promising I haven't flunked Happy Family 101, after all.

Yesterday was a day I will never forget. After torrential rains all night, thunder and lightning, Aussie our dog sleeping under the bed, Mike and I dressed and headed out for a meeting with an investment manager. The water was so high on Lake Aluma Drive in places that we couldn't get out and our neighbor, standing out in the rain, told us the intersection on the main road was impassable.

We turned around and spent the day watching the news reports of flooding, cars stranded in deep water, even a young woman being rescued as she clung to tree branches. On our own shore, the steps to the lake were completely under water, and boats and two docks from other neighbors were in our ‘backyard.' We had tornadoes and severe hail storms just a few weeks ago. (That was the day I crashed-Day 5). I did make brownies later in the day but I didn't eat them all; I even threw some out. And I did 2 miles on the elliptical and took a mile walk around the lake with Mike and Aussie. (Aussie was thrilled with the high water.) So I do see our 30-Day Balance Experiment working. Hope you are seeing some changes too.

SPIRITUAL thought/action: "I am not my physical body but that which uses it. I am not my emotions, but that which controls them. I am not my mental images, but that which creates them." Christmas Humphreys, Concentration and Meditation.

PHYSICAL thought/action: Today I will listen to my body and nourish it according to its needs. I give thanks to my body for staying with me through thick and thin.

MENTAL thought/action: "Grant me O Lord, at this time, a mind filled with love for you, and one that bears a knowledge of you, an intellect filled with insight into you, and a pure heart in which the light of the vision of you shines out. Amen" Isaac of Nivevah (Syria) 7th Century.

EMOTIONAL thought/action: Today I release attachment to my desires to allow miraculous results.

God is rolling his morning diamonds across the lake.... A bright beautiful morning after all the rain. Think I'll go take a walk with Aussie.  Lolly

So today after ½ mile walk with Aussie (when it's hot, she turns back), I declared myself "on vacation" the rest of the day. I almost baked brownies, almost opened a bottle of wine, and almost gave up.  I did clean out a drawer, clean some of the windows on our French doors, and put away some of my winter clothes. And I am going to have a drink or two tonight. What I am not going to do is give up on this experiment. I just have to remind myself (and you) that the ‘seesaw scale syndrome' is part of the deal.

SPIRITUAL thought/action: "Spiritual hunger can never be solved on a physical level....If you are willing to refrain from dieting and needing an instant solution, and if you want to use that relationship with food as the unexpected path, you will discover that God has been here all along." Geneen Roth, Women Food and God.

PHYSICAL/MENTAL/EMOTIONAL thought/action: "Why must we ‘taste' life in order to see you? May we, existentially, surrender our emotions, intellect, and physical senses and experience your holy presence in the here and now of daily agendas? ... Let me out of the prison of unfeeling...When I am exhausted from fleeing your call, tasting all the polluted waters of the world, you offer me the spring of water welling up to life....Yes Lord, we taste and see that you are the ultimate Living Water that quenches the deep thirst in our souls." Mike Anderson, Scent of Life.

Not giving up no matter what the scales say tomorrow.  (Like God is not giving up on us.)   Lolly

Then anger at myself flooded my mind and heart about losing my favorite Hermes scarf on our return trip from San Diego and the difficulty in trying to replace it. Then I looked at my study, where I am right now, and all the papers and books and mess and how mad I am about getting breast cancer again and not working on my novel and and and and STOP!!!

GET OUT OF MY MIND, you negative thoughts! You are living there rent-free and destroying the place!

What's my other choice? My other choice is to entertain my true mind (the one filled with hope, direction, and love.) I looked at the lake right outside my window- God's morning diamonds rolling across the water as a white Egret fishes on the shore a hundred feet from my computer. I thought of my almost 85 year-old mother who looks great, feels pretty good, still lives independently only 15 minutes away... of my wonderful husband who is so good to me, so funny, so smart, the love of my life...of all of you going on this journey with me and your heart-warming feedback...and the fact that I didn't go berserk and feed my terrible feelings about losing my scarf; I got on the elliptical instead! I am alive, I am on the right track of getting in touch with my body and mind and soul and heart, and I am blessed with great friends- YOU!

SPIRITUAL thought/action: "What is before us and behind us are tiny matters compared to what is within us." Oliver Wendell Holmes

PHYSICAL thought/action: Today I will choose proteins over carbs. Today I will lose my appetite for high sugar foods.

MENTAL thought/action: Today I will visualize myself over and over again at my "ideal look." (Whatever size or weight -doesn't matter- just our ideal look-not magazine model.)  

EMOTIONAL thought/action: Melody Beattie, Co-Dependent No More: Gratitude makes a home out of a house, a feast out of a meal, a friend out of a stranger." Today my feelings of gratitude bring peace, hope, and love.

See you at your ideal look.....  Lolly

SPIRITUAL thought/action: "The writer Natalie Goldberg says that we are always practicing something and most of us practice suffering. Why not practice ending your suffering instead of perpetuating it? Since you are eating anyway, moving around in your body anyway, being aware of something anyway, why not spend that time waking yourself up instead of deadening yourself? Is there anything better to do with a life?" Women Food and God.

PHYSICAL thought/action:  The South Beach Diet, another book in my diet library which looks as if I never cracked it, suggests cutting out fruit, bread, alcohol, pasta, potatoes, and rice the first week and eating eggs, fish, salad, and veggies. Decaf coffee is okay, so is cheese. Really a reasonable approach. Even chocolate dessert recipes are included! (Steamed pears with 5 chocolate chips.) So I'm putting aside Rachel Ray's recipes for a while and following South Beach.

MENTAL thought/action: "To manage your mind, know that there is nothing, and then relinquish all attachment to the nothingness." Lao-Tzu

EMOTIONAL thought/action: "All changes, even the most longed for, have their melancholy; for what we leave behind us is a part of ourselves; we must die to one life before we can enter another." Anatole France

Yours for the journey! Lolly

Yesterday I wore my new blue jeans (another pair of Not Your Daughter's Jeans) that were so tight I had a headache all day. Then I remembered. My darling husband had told me (proudly) that he had done the laundry while I was in Virginia. I checked the water temperature on our washing machine. "HOT/cold." It was my fault that I didn't change it back to WARM/cold after washing the bathroom rugs. I don't know if that was why I was so good yesterday and ate very little. But this morning I forced myself to get on the scales, not feeling thinner at all, and violà! I was 4 lbs. lighter! So I celebrated with 2 chocolate chip cookies at lunch! (Maybe underneath I don't want to be slimmer at all.) Some psychologist might say, maybe Geneen Roth says this in her book: when we are consumed with our weight, we can't work on other things.....

SPIRITUAL thought/action: "Whatever you ask in prayer, believe that you will receive it and you will." Mark 11.24

PHYSICAL thought/action:  Today (tomorrow) I celebrate at the ultimate level above food and drink.

MENTAL thought/action: When I couldn't sleep last night at 3:30 a.m., I read Martha Beck in O Magazine. Her article on creating a vision board reminded me of Deepak Chopra's advice to let go of our attachment to our desires. Her translation: "Let go mentally and emotionally" of our visions. (In this case, our vision of a balanced body and ideal weight). "The biggest mistake aspiring reality creators make...is continuing to push something they've already set in motion." On the other hand: "Magical co-creator or not, you still have to do stuff...to be (in T.S. Eliot's words) ‘still and still moving.' But in the moments I get it right, every step I take seems to be matched by a universal mystery, which obligingly, incredibly, creates what I can't."

EMOTIONAL thought/action: Today I release attachment to my desires to allow miraculous results.

When I asked a neighbor recently how she lost weight, she said she first started exercising. Then after the second week, she started "eating right." So here we are, sojourners, going into our second week and our ‘training' is going to start kicking in!

SPIRITUAL thought/action: "In the moment you reach for potato chips [or wine or chocolate] to avoid what you feel, you are effectively saying, ‘I have no choice but to numb myself. Some things can't be felt, understood, or worked through.' You are saying ‘there is no possibility of change so I might as well eat.'"Geneen Roth, Women Food and God.  Today I will let go of compulsive eating; it never gives me what I seek.

PHYSICAL thought/action: Instead of following a new diet from one of the numerous books in my Diet Library, I am taking a different tack. My new game is- save a calorie here, save a calorie there. I am not including certain things that are usually in my daily food intake, or at least I am reducing the amount. Less bread, less chocolate (1 piece, not 3 all at once), no ice cream, less rice, pasta, potatoes, one egg not two.  One glass of wine instead of 3 (120 calories instead of 360!). I am leaving a little wine in my glass not licking the last drop. I am leaving food on my plate- especially the carbs and I don't feel deprived.  Today I will ‘save' 600 calories; I will leave that extra bite of _____. I don't want it.

MENTAL thought/action: Dawn Markova in her book, I Will Not Die an Unlived Life, urges us to tell ourselves "river stories" of hope not "rut stories" of defeat. Our river stories, dear sojourners, are that we can change, we are changing. We are balancing our lives. We can live the lives God intended for us, a life of abundance and love.  We have already started!

EMOTIONAL thought/action: Today my feelings of gratitude bring peace, hope, and love.

My mentor has shaped me almost as much as my mother and father. I love Connie because of her spirit, style, and values. My novel, Vermeer's Lady in Waiting, (still in the production stage) has a character based on Connie and a plantation that bears an uncanny resemblance to White Marsh.

Need I say that having spent 5 days celebrating with Connie and Gail I wouldn't think of getting on the scales yet? But while away I didn't go nuts eating and drinking. I did my fair share but I didn't notice compulsive consuming although I am very sad that my mentor is not in good health. So one tiny gold star for my behavior modification. I have walked 2 miles since my return and will start ramping that up. I hope you have given yourself some gold stars since we started our Balance Experiment.

Back to our 4-part program:

SPIRITUAL thought/action: "When we are bowled over by grief and our response is to eat a pizza [or a box of chocolates or drink a bottle of wine], we halt our ability to move through the grief as well as our confidence that it won't destroy us. If you don't allow a feeling to begin, you also don't let it end." Geneen Roth, Women Food and God.

PHYSICAL thought/action: I still have a book (published in 1973 costing $1.50!) titled Cosmopolitan's Super Diets and Exercise Guide. Its pages are yellow with age (sort of like my skin). The advice-guess what?-is the same as all the other diet books published since. To lose weight we have to expend more calories than our bodies need so they draw from our stored fat. But, Cosmo's book says, quoting Dr. Atkins: "Dieting should always be associated with feelings of well-being" not deprivation.  Today I will focus on eating more proteins and less carbs. I will eat only until I am full. I will not overfill the tank!!! And I will get this bod moving!

MENTAL thought/action: "To do nothing is the most difficult thing in the world-the most difficult and the most intellectual." Oscar Wilde 

EMOTIONAL thought/action: "When you are deluded and full of doubt, even a thousand books are not enough. When you have realized understanding, even one word is too much." Fen-Yang  Today I practice the luxury of solitude.

SPIRITUAL thought/action: In Chapter 3 of Women Food and God, "Never Underestimate the Inclination to Bolt," Geneen Roth talks about how obsession "gives you something to do besides having our heart shattered by heart-shattering events...It gives you the illusion of feeling everything without having to be vulnerable to anything...Not bolting-being awake without being drugged by food, alcohol, work, sex, money, drugs, fame, or in denial (about the crisis we are actually in)-is asking a lot."  Today I let go of illusions and face the truth. Today I accept people and situations exactly as they are.

PHYSICAL thought/action: Today I will exercise 30 minutes, an hour, or more: taking a walk around the neighborhood, going to the gym, etc.

MENTAL thought/action: "The foolish reject what they see, not what they think; the wise reject what they think, not what they see." Huang-Po  Today my actions reflect my new thinking.

EMOTIONAL thought/action: "Can you walk on water? You have done no better than a straw. Can you fly in the air? You have done no better than a bluebottle. Conquer your heart; then you may become somebody."  Ansari of Herat, 11th century poet and philosopher.

Give yourself the gift of exercise today, and while exercising calm your mind and heart. All is well. See you tomorrow! Lolly

So here we are on the 7th day of our 30-Day Balance Experiment. And what did God do on the 7th day? He rested. So shall we. This newsletter will be brief. I just watched An Education (lead female Carey Mulligan was nominated for an Oscar). YBD -Your Bounden Duty.

My week's successes:

SPIRITUAL thought/action: Committing to our shared purpose of balancing felt so right. The universe sent me the message: "We are on purpose."

PHYSICAL thought/action: I got in 6 miles of exercise (2 miles of walking/4 miles on the elliptical). My scales dropped I think 2 lbs- hard to say- with the new scales. I did notice (SURPRISE) that the day after I exercised the scales responded accordingly.And I really did eat and drink less and did not feel deprived at all.

MENTAL thought/action: Putting a happy photo of myself on my refrigerator was good. (Replacing the "thinnest I've ever been but wasn't happy" photo which didn't work, I belief, because I wasn't happy.) Now every time I'm in the kitchen I see myself exactly how I want to be- happy and my ideal weight. What we think about is what we get. Our thoughts are magnets. We are always moving toward our most dominant thought, whatever it is.

EMOTIONAL thought/action: Although I had my ups and downs, I did not stuff my feelings except for Day 5, crash day.

Email me your successes if you care to, and I will share them if you want. Any and all suggestions are welcome. Are these newsletters too long for you to read in a busy day?

Tomorrow we start our 2nd week. We are changing our lives for the better, together, step by step. Doesn't this feel good? Lolly

My ‘crash' day, which I wrote about yesterday, did not involve one external event, except for the death of my college English professor and faculty advisor who was in his 80s.

All the other panic buttons I pushed fall into 3 categories:

1- ‘the past equals the future' panic button (I'll have hot flashes and joint pain just like last time I took cancer prevention meds);

2- the ‘what if' panic button (what if a tornado kills my mother and me in her house or my husband in our house across town); or

3- ‘this is too much for me to face' panic button (my new scales that read me 5 pounds heavier than my old scales).  

In my own personal life on that ‘crash' day, NOTHING HAD CHANGED. But my mind went berserk and I rushed into a sugar overload (sherry, wine, and chocolate) AS IF that would change one bloody thing about how ‘my life had changed for the worst' which of course it hadn't at all. THIS is the kind of thinking and behaving I am changing- right here and now.

SPIRITUAL thought/action:"It's not life in the present that is intolerable; the pain we are avoiding has already happened. We are living in reverse." Geneen Roth, Women Food and God.

PHYSICAL thought/action: "One glass of wine contains 120 calories." Parade Magazine, Sunday May 9, 2010.  I always thought it had 90 calories! To track my exercise gift to myself, I am putting a green paper dot on the days I walk or do the elliptical for a mile. So far, 2 days have none, 1 day has 2 green dots. How many polka-dots can I give myself in a month?

MENTAL thought/action: "Inquiry is body based; it is not a mental process. You sense what it feels like to be inside your skin, your arms, your legs......Feelings are in the body, reactions are in the head; a reaction is the mental deduction of a feeling. And beliefs are reactions that we've had so many times we believe they are true." Women Food and God

EMOTIONAL thought/action:

"There are parched and barren fields in our lifes, there is autumn in our existence. But these are the grounds of our growth, the seed beds of our miracles. In these fields, we will someday blossom, and the innocence of the world will return with our own." Richard Caniell

See you tomorrow!   Lolly

P.S.  My new scales showed a 2 lb. drop this morning!

Yesterday was a complete slide back down the mountain for me. My day started with an internet search of the drug Arimadex I am supposed to take for 5 years to prevent cancer recurrence (breast or any other kind).The reported side effects include hot flashes and bone density loss, among other things. I remembered how hot my hot flashes werefrom taking Tamoxifen (for 5 years) after my first bout with breast cancer. Then the tearful pity-party started.

But at least I was feeling my feelings, like Geneen Roth tells us to do! A little bit later in the day (I still had not gathered the energy to shower and dress), the email came about the death of my English professor at Mary Baldwin College who was also my faculty advisor. And another wave of crying crashed on my heart's shore. But again, I was feeling my feelings, not eating a box of cookies or carton of ice cream. 

I finally got dressed (thank God for make up, it always makes me feel better) and left for Target to pick up digital bath scales with a cool glass platform I had seen at the radiologist's office. Then I went by my mother's house to drop off these recent newsletters since her computer is on the blink. Tornados sirens started blaring. My husband called and said to stay put, wait until the multiple tornados touching down around Oklahoma City blew over. My mother offered me a glass of Dry Sack sherry- it's a drink we both enjoy- and we watched on TV the tornado funnels not all that far away. She brought out blankets just in case. I emptied my sherry glass and poured another one. (I did have some chicken- always that protein balance.) I thought of my husband on the other side of town. And then the 'fragility of life' panic button went off inside me.

The storms passed and I drove home. My husband had a wonderful glass of fine red wine waiting for me. I fixed a big salad with roasted chicken (following my balance experiment) for dinner. (I'll have to do better tonight- don't think it got a high rating.) Of course, we finished the bottle- after all, hadn't we just survived a tornado? Hadn't my revered professor died? Hadn't I faced the miserable truth that I have to take a drug for 5 long years because I got breast cancer again? 

After dinner I got on my shiny new glass scales. I knew I would weigh more- I had just eaten. But then I got on my old scales. My new scales made by Taylor, a company founded in 1851 whose motto has always been ACCURACY, showed me FIVE POUNDS heavier than my old scales. That is when I got the chocolate out. Well, I didn't go completely overboard but I did slip back into my old ways of stuffing my feelings, first with sherry, then with wine, and then with chocolate. Of course, this morning the scales - my old scales mind you-had me exactly where I had started 5 days ago!!! And my new scales showed I had GAINED 5 pounds!

So here's the SPIRITUAL, PHYSICAL, MENTAL, and EMOTIONAL all rolled into one: My momma said there would be days like this......but that little devil saying- "GIVE UP, you'll never win this battle!" has been kicked out.  He's not going to win. WE ARE.

See you tomorrow, my sisters-in-arms! Lolly

Welcome back, happy sojourners!

Either my scales are playing tricks on me or I did notice another slight downturn trend- not as dramatic as the stock market- but a nod in the right direction. I've said this experiment is not about the numbers but as Geneen Roth says in her book Women Food and God which I was reading past midnight last night: "It's not about the weight but it's not not about the weight." The times I was my thinnest were not my happiest times but the times I was my fatest were (are) also not my happiest times. This morning I took off my magic refrigerator the "skinniest I've ever been photo" (when I was going through my 3rd divorce) and replaced it with my wedding picture of me and Mike. I was not as thin but wow was I happy!

SPIRITUAL thought/action: Eating when we are not hungry is using food as a drug to make ourselves numb. Rather than face our feelings of loss, loneliness, boredom, or fear, we race away from our feelings thinking they are bigger than we are. "Staying where you are with what you are feeling or seeing is the first step in ending the obsession with food." Geneen Roth  Today I trust God's strength more than my own.

PHYSICAL thought/action: Too much sugar and not enough protein and SLEEP puts me one step away from being a serial killer. Why do we push ourselves so much and so hard while ignoring our bodies' needs?It's usually when I'm tired that I want to pop a piece of chocolate in my mouth. Now I carry about almonds and a little bottle of an energy drink to counter that 3pm blood-sugar drop. Sleeping Beauty was a beauty because of sleep......

MENTAL thought/action: "More important that learning how to recall things is finding ways to forget things that are cluttering the mind." Eric Butterworth     Suggested film: "The Diving Bell and the Butterfly" about ELLE magazine editor who lost everything but his mind.

EMOTIONAL thought/action: "1. Get enough food to eat, and eat it. 2. Find a place to sleep where it is quiet, and sleep there. 3. Reduce intellectual and emotional noise until you arrive at the silence of yourself, and listen to it. 4.            "  Richard Brautigan

See you tomorrow. Thank you for being with me.  Lolly

Remember the last time you saw a precious baby? Such luminous skin, so innocent, so adorable, so full of promise!  I imagined today how we all were as babies- innocent, adorable, full of promise. That is our true essence. That is who we really are. We have just buried our luminosity with bad feelings.

We can now release our feelings (of rejection, abandonment, inferiority, fear, loss), all these feelings we have been trying not to feel by anesthetizing ourselves with food, drink, etc.

I said my approach was qualitative not quantitative- but- my scales did move down a pound from Day 1! And I have not given up chocolate or wine. I have consumed less than usual- and have not felt deprived- rather empowered. Okay, so we'll be a bit quantitative but that's NOT what rules. What rules is this: Our sense of a balanced body and mind, our souls and hearts at peace. 

SPIRITUAL thought/action: see above

PHYSICAL thought/action: Sugar and carbs make our bodies produce insulin, called the "fat hormone" because it prevents our bodies from using stored fat. On the other hand: "Often called the perfect food, eggs are rich in protein and healthly fat, contain 13 vitamins and minerals, and are low in sodium." Atkins for Life   Ask yourself: What is my protein/carb ratio? and What kind of exercise am I going to do today?

MENTAL thought/action: Today I separate my true mind (the one God gave me) from my daily mind filled with foreign thoughts of negativity. (Carlos Castaneda)

EMOTIONAL thought/action: Today I will honor my body and thus show gratitude for my mother's pain and struggle in giving me life. I can see myself as I was as a baby- innocent, adorable, full of promise- and I know that is my true essence.

See you tomorrow, Baby-Cakes!  Lolly

Even though the scales did not change one iota from yesterday, I still feel better. I have a plan and the more I visualize the end result, the closer I come to realization. My personal journal is keeping track of my exercise components (1 mile walk yesterday, 2 miles on the eliptical today), food intake, moods, and clothes I'm wearing. Add one pair of black Not Your Daughter's Jeans back to my wardrobe. YEA! So here are our 4/4 guiding lights for today:

SPIRITUAL thought/action:  In Women Food and God, Geneen Roth explains that in the center of our wounded spirits is this false belief: "I've been abandoned and betrayed by who and what really matters and what I've got left is food." This fiercely defended belief is what opens the door to fear and closes the door to our feelings. "In the act of turning away from our feelings, of trying and trying again to lose the same twenty, fifty, eighty pounds, we ignore what could utterly transform us. But when we welcome what we most want to avoid, we evoke that in us that is not a story, not caught in the past, not some old image of ourselves. We evoke divinity itself."  Today I transform myself and world by accepting the unacceptable.

PHYSICAL thought/action: Cutting down on carbohydrates "flips the metabolic switch. You go from burning carbs for energy to burning your stored fat instead." Atkins for Life   "More and more I am getting better at listening to my body and sensing what it needs."  Affirmation from Belleruth Naparstek

MENTAL thought/action: Once we realize that our lives are formed not by external events but by our own thoughts that act like magnets, we can create the life we most desire. Today I fearlessly focus on my goals and heart's desires.

EMOTIONAL thought/action: Once we face and let go of our feelings of abandonment and betrayal (created in the past), we quit chasing our false gods (food, work, clothes...) and then we get in touch with our true essence, patiently waiting to set us free. "Breathe in to soften our feelings. Breathe out to release them." (Belleruth Naparstek)

Breathe in. Breathe out.  Yours on our journey, Lolly

If you would like to join me on a 30-day experiment to balance our God-given minds and bodies, check in right here!  My approach is qualitative not quantitative. I am not going to tell you my weight or what I eat.  What I am going to post here are 4 thoughts and 4 actions pertaining to the four quatrants that keep us balanced: SPIRITUAL/ PHYSICAL/ MENTAL/EMOTIONAL, or soul, body, mind, heart.

Feel free to email me your successes or frustrations. My personal goal is to feel healthy, energetic, and be able to wear the lonely, beautiful clothes hanging in my closet. Today even my 'fat pants' are tight. What piece of chocolate (or potato chip, or glass of wine, or roll, or....) is worth being  limited to these ten-year-old Ferragamo black pants whose waist has already been expanded by my magical seamtress???

I don't go cold-turkey. I follow Dr. Andrew Weil's method of adding a few healthy meals/exercises a day with the aim of ending up with that balanced life we are seeking. It's not a deprivation/compulsive eating seesaw.

So, here we go!

SPIRITUAL thought/action: "Everything we believe about love, fear, transformation and God is revealed in how, when, and what we eat." Geneen Roth, Women Food and God.  Today I calm myself and listen in deep silence, if just for this  moment. 

PHYSICAL thought/action: My body is like a Waring blender. If I don't turn it on (exercise), all I have is the lumpy mess of food I've put in. Low speed or high speed, viola! Lumpy mass transforms into smooth liquid. (I promise I'll get more scientific later on.)  Today I will break old patterns with one action that makes a difference: take a walk, get on an exercise machine, dance, or play a sport. 

MENTAL thought/action: What we think about is what we get. We are always moving toward our most dominant thought whatever it is. Today I attract what I desire starting with my thoughts.

EMOTIONAL thought/action: Accepting the unacceptable (not stuffing our feelings with food) transforms our lives and opens up whole new horizons. Today I shower forgiveness on everyone including myself. 

Bonus activities: Make a list of your favorite clothes and then visualize yourself wearing them with a smile.

See you tomorrow! Right now I have a date with our elliptical machine.  Yours on our journey, Lolly 

6:30pm Sally Bentley

YouTube link:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p1iI7dK5jls

Adult Bible class

7 Rules to Make Your Dreams Come True

7 Rules to Make Your Dreams Come True

        Aussie, our Australian Kelpie, is delighted that August is named after her: the Dog Days of Summer. When Aussie is not watching television with us, sometimes lunging for a ball she can never catch, or looking at us with that "you know you are going to give me some of what you're eating, so do it" look, she is sprawled out, straight-legged, eyes black furry slits, oblivious to the dog days of summer. 

        If you are looking for some gentle but not boring activities during this imposed slow down, herewith are some suggestions

Books, Movies, Trivia~

Pigs Have Wings by P.G. Wodehouse is a very English satire on the goings on in the fictional world of Blandings Castle. Wodehouse worked in the London office of the Hong Kong and Shanghai Bank when he started writing stories. Two years later he left the bank to become a full time writer and by 1909 a regular contributor to The Saturday Evening Post making America his home. He died at age 93 having published over 90 books.

One Hundred Years of Solitude by Noble Prize winner Gabriel Garcia Marquez is an epic tale tracing the history of a town and a family packed with eccentricities and imagination: fantastical and real at the same time. YBD

The Devil and Miss Prym by another award-winning Latino writer, Paul Coelho, also weaves his story around a small town to explore the fine line between good and evil, between temptation and rationalization. PYE

Dream Golf  by Stephen Goodwin: Now if someone had told me I would be reading a book about golf...never! However, while Mike and I were at Bandon Dunes on the coast of Oregon last month, I found Dream Golf to be an interesting read about the creation of these new top rated golf courses outside the tiny town of Bandon. Entrepreneurism at its best.  PYE

Miss Potter, the movie about Peter Rabbit's creator, Beatrix Potter, starring Renee Zellweger is delightful- both the acting and animation; writers MNH.

The Pianist, the power of music and the horrors of Nazism starring Adrien Brody for which he won an Oscar is based on the life of Polish concert pianist W. Szpilman. YBD

The Talented Mr. Ripley with Jude Law, Matt Damon, Cate Blanchett, Gwyneth Paltrow, and Phillip Seymour Hoffman is as beautifully filmed as I remembered and as haunting. American haves and a have-not in Italy. PYE

The Red Violin, Golden Globe winner, would have been even better if we had figured out how to click on the English subtitles. Life, love, death, politics, greed following the 14^th century musical instrument. PYE

Ocean Thirteen is sheer entertainment; George Clooney, Brad Pitt, Al Pacino, et al.

Casino Royale, ditto, the newest James Bond movie.

Hairspray with John Travolta we loved! Great music, very funny, good content. I plan on dancing to the DVD at home. PYE

                 BD- Your Bounden Duty  PYE- Part of Your Education (acronyms à la Archibald Edwards) MNH- Might Need a Handkerchief (à la LA) 

Book signing in Little Rock, AR at the home of Fred and Helen Harrison. 5-6:30pm

When my older sister, Merrilee, was in town last week, she, my mother, and I spent time organizing old family pictures. It was a heart-opening exercise. We came across a 1972 Daily Oklahoman newspaper article that showed a picture of my late father on the front page holding a $2 bill autographed by Chinese leader Chou En-lai in 1946.

Daddy was a 21-year old 1^st Lieutenant in the Army Air Forces flying C-47 transports in China. Gen. George Marshall wanted to get Chou En-lai from Yenan, 525 miles over rugged mountainous terrain, to Chungking for an important meeting. Daddy received orders to fly from Peishihiyi, where he was stationed, to Yenan to pick up Chou En-lai. Daddy's crew loaded ten 55-gallon barrels of gasoline on board to provide fuel for the return trip because none was available at Yenan. Four hours later, Daddy and his crew arrived in Yenan after flying at 18,000 ft. in the unpressurized airplane.

On board for the trip to Chungking were Chou En-lai, his entourage of 25 people, some of whom were family members, luggage, and two gift boxes for Gen. Marshall, one weighing 150 pounds, the other one 300 pounds. Because of bad weather, the trip to Chungking had to be delayed. Chou En-lai then asked Daddy to fly them to Hs-ian. Upon arrival, transportation into Hsian was provided by the government: a single, open truck for all to ride in, standing up in 20-degree temperature.

Proceeding on from Hs-ian to Chungking, the airplane encountered icing at 12,000 ft. and the plane's de-icers were unable to prevent heavy accumulation. They had to jettison all luggage and loose equipment on board, including the expensive gifts for Gen. Marshall.

Daddy then alerted all passengers and crew to put on parachutes and prepare to bail out in the event the aircraft stalled. Just as Daddy was about to give the command to bail out, the aircraft broke into the clear at the edge of the mountain range and they landed safely back in Hsian. "Chou En-lai came to the cockpit and thanked me profusely in English for saving all their lives," Daddy said. "Before that Chou En-lai had always spoken through an interpreter but he could speak perfect English."

The second attempt to get to Chungking was uneventful except for an instrument landing because of poor visibility. While waiting for their transportation, Chou En-lai asked Daddy if there was anything he could do for him. Daddy asked the Premier to autograph his $2 bill that was given to all pilots, like my father, who flew the "Hump," the famous WWII route into China over the Himalayan Mountains.

Everyone in our family remembers that autographed $2 bill that Daddy always carried around in his billfold. (During his tour in Vietnam in the late 1960s, Daddy thought it might come in handy if he was ever shot down.) We still have the maps Daddy used to fly in China, many of the routes uncharted. The $2 bill was misplaced but our memories will never be lost.

"This is an honest story about life, not just a title to grab your attention. It fills you with hope and inspiration, and you'll feel you can overcome anything! If you liked The Secret, you'll love Magic Refrigerator!"  Joy Richardson, columnist for Friday newspaper, Oklahoma City, OK

"Thank you for your inspiring and beautifully thought-out book! You have created a masterpiece." Mrs. Cecil Turner, Kendall Grove, Eastville, VA

"Your book is delightful!  I've read it once and now am almost through the  second time... with underlining and highlights." Annette Loop, Houston, Texas

"What a wonderful treat your book has been to me and all my family!" Joyce Ward, Argyle, TX

"What a wonderful influence your book is!" Marion Hart, Fishersville, VA

"The book is a winner!" Neal Holland Duncan, Washington D.C.

"I was so touched by the difficulty you've had in your life, the thoughtful simplicity of the message and how good it made me feel when I finished [reading] it. I went back and read some of it again as I bet most everyone who reads it will do."  Elise Kilpatrick, Tulsa, OK

"Your book was so very inspirational but even more you generously gave your readers an incredible reference for further readings....You were able to expose raw emotion and candid events that impacted your true story."  Joyce Stroud, Tyler, TX

"I greatly enjoyed your book, so rich with simple wisdom and personal warmth. You write with admirable clarity. I was particularly touched by the prayer on page 63 which I thought was utterly lovely."  Richard Caniell, New Denver, British Columbia, Canada

         Delicias Restaurant on the corner of Paseo Delicias and La Granada in the heart of Rancho Santa Fe, CA, (originally owned by the Santa Fe Railroad and part of an 1830s Spanish land grant) offers delicious food in a lush setting. Architect Lilian Rice kept an office on that corner in the 1920s as she designed many of the homes and buildings of Rancho Santa Fe. One of the first women to graduate in 1910 from the University of California School of Architecture, Ms. Rice's architectural designs followed California's Spanish Colonial heritage: terra cotta tiled roofs, creamy white adobe walls, patios and interior courtyards with black grillwork and flowering foliage.

       We sat outside; the sun and air were perfect. I dutifully ordered a salad and crab cakes. Mike ordered the "Dungeness Crab Sour Dough Panini" which comes with "Truffle Fries." I ate half of his. The best sandwich and the very best French fries in the world: delicate, crunchy, perfectly seasoned. A bottle of Clos La Chance 2004 Chardonnay from the Santa Cruz Mountains was a perfect complement. Our waiter John Fay was delightful. Bis!

    My dear friend, Fumiko Hattori from Tokyo, and I have known each other for 40 years. We became friends at Langley High School in McLean, Virginia. My father was stationed at the Pentagon; Fumiko's father had sent her to the U.S. for one year of school. We recently had our first reunion since 1967 when Fumiko visited her son in Boston. Hide Hattori is an MD/PhD on a research fellowship at Harvard and was our guest here in Oklahoma last weekend. What a delightful visit it was! Our "American Size" ice cream cones and houses amazed Hide. I hope to visit Fumiko in Tokyo before too long, continuing our 40 year reunion.

Books, Movies, Trivia~

    An Inconvenient Truth (which won an Oscar) by Al Gore is YBD. The graphics and photography alone are worth watching. But even his argument of the dangers of global warming is quite convincing. Mike insisted on having some champagne being that we are Independents. Even if you are Republican, watch it with your favorite glass of sherry. (This said for my mother's benefit.)

YBD- Your Bounden Duty    PYE- Part of Your Education (acronyms à la Archibald Edwards) MNH- you Might Need a Handkerchief (à la LA)

     This was never on my magic refrigerator but my book is going to be in the MTV Movie Awards Celebrity Gift Suites thanks to Mike's daughter, Nicole! So if you happen to be surfing, the MTV Movie Awards are June 3 and How My Magic Refrigerator Sent Me to Paris Free, 7 Rules to Make Dreams Come True might appear in the pre-show.

     Another magical happening, thanks to Willee and Finlay Lewis and Kay and Rod Heller, was the fabulous book signing party they hosted for me in the Lewis' beautiful home in Washington D.C. (I had ran into Kay Culberton Heller, my ‘big sister' at Mary Baldwin College, 30 years later at the National Gallery of Art where I first met Willee and Finlay at a donor event.) I was thrilled to see many old friends and to meet interesting new friends. Thank those of you who came to celebrate on that gloriously sunny Sunday in April.

Books, Movies, Trivia~

     All the King's Men by Robert Penn Warren is stupendous. I had on my list to read something by Robert Penn Warren but this was my first (but not last) time to pour over the jewels of Warren's masterful writing. This Pulitzer Prize winning novel follows the life of former Louisiana governor Huey Long in the character of Willie Stark. We earlier had seen and enjoyed the movie starring Sean Penn (playing Willie Stark), Jude Law, Anthony Hopkins, and Kate Winslet. Now I plan on viewing the film again. YBD on both the book and the movie.

     Speaking of jewels, Blood Diamond about the dehumanizing effects of greed and the high risk diamond trade starring Leonardo DiCaprio is worth watching. PYE

     Three films hard to watch but provocative are Crash, Monster, and The Departed. I could not watch any of them straight through but renting and viewing at home has the advantage of stopping and resuming later. Crash peels back everyone's prejudices and leaves no one untarnished. But there is redemption in the end, if you can make it there. Monster stars Charlize Theron (although she is hardly recognizable) as a lonely, desperate woman who is abused and then starts killing her male aggressors. It is no wonder that Charlize won the Oscar for her sympathetic portrayal in this true story. The Departed starring Jack Nicholson, Matt Damon, and Leonardo DiCaprio has an interesting psychological set up but is just too violent for my liking. PYE for all, mind expanding but dark.

    As we move into summer, I hope you will find time to read a great book, and/or see a good film. They are rich manifestations of God's creative force in the world. Let me know of the treasures you find.

    On this Memorial Day, remember to remember that the liberties and freedoms we enjoy everyday were secured not by politicians, preachers, or business persons, but by warriors.

YBD- Your Bounden Duty    PYE- Part of Your Education (acronyms à la Archibald Edwards)
                                   MNH- you Might Need a Handkerchief (à la LA)

     William's soldiers wanted to stay in England to marry the young peasants they met but William had no interest in declaring beautiful French as the official language in the Isles. He allowed the existing Anglo-Saxon language to remain and be invaded, linguistically, with French. Hence, the English language has over 600,000 words compared to the 250,000 words that make up French, Italian, Portuguese, Spanish, and most other languages. Many of our monosyllabic words are Anglo-Saxon; many of our polysyllabic words are French. I learned this from Dr.  Elliot Engel when he spoke at Town Hall recently. He has written several books on the English language, inter alia, which I intend to read after the 10 books in my queue.

     Easter was particularly meaningful this year because last year we traced Jesus' footsteps. Of all the places we visited throughout Israel, Jerusalem remains the most perplexing: a paradoxical vortex of contrasts. A young female Israeli soldier in tight pants walked nonchalantly with her Uzi machine gun across a lavender street covered with blossoms from Jacaranda trees. Massive white stones weighing several tons the Romans used to build their fortresses in 20 B.C. remain near tiny colorful mosaic tiles-hundreds of thousands of them-adorning walls and floors everywhere.

     Jerusalem, the city of faith for Jews, Christians, and Muslims, the holiest of holy for all three religions, continues to be a hotbed of dissension, eluding peace for most of its 5,000 year history. Jerusalem's signature symbol: the spectacular glistening gold-leaf dome built by Muslims on top of Mount Moriah, site of the Abraham/Isaac story and the Jewish First and Second Temples-the foundations of Christianity.

Books, Movies, Trivia~
     I've been reading a book lately that has more hyperboles than any book I've ever read. There are stories of people living 900 years, octogenarians having babies, and King Saul requiring David to deliver as a dowry for his daughter Michal: 100 Philistine foreskins. (David presented 200!) My theory on the Old Testament is that the writers used all those hyperboles so that we would remember the stories. I'll never forget them. I haven't finished the O.T. but it is YBD.

YBD- Your Bounden Duty    PYE- Part of Your Education (acronyms à la Archibald Edwards)  MNH- you Might Need a Handkerchief (à la LA)

     2007 passing in leaps and bounds: Mike cancelled his Global Warming Conference due to record lows and ice storms in January. Many Oklahoma City events were re-scheduled including my first Spiritual Retreat at Lake Aluma which came together a week later as a fascinating group of women braved the nasty weather.

      I found out two days later that my friend Emily DeCicco died the same day as the retreat: January 27. Emily and her husband, Frank, mentioned in my book, were extraordinary in how they faced Emily's stomach cancer. I still cannot believe that Emily is really gone. Just like I cannot believe that other dear friends and family members are gone. The mansion boom in heaven surely will cool off soon.

       Life has a way of juxtaposes sadness with gladness: Mike brought my dream of a book signing at the Paris Ritz to fruition on my birthday in February! Sipping drinks adorned with orchids in the Bar Hemmingway along with seven (one for each rule?) family members and friends is etched in my ‘best memories' bank.

     A short walk from the Place Vendôme through Paris streets to Macéo for an elegant and delicious dinner topped off the evening. I'm not yet 60, but that birthday was in that league. I am deeply grateful for the generosity of my family and friends. My book sits on a shelf at Macéo Restaurant as well as Shakespeare & Co. Bookshop near Notre Dame. Our jaunt to Madrid gave us these great experiences, inter alia: Museo Thyssen-Bornemizsa (unbelievable collection) and dinner at Santceloni (food as art).

     Alas, the trip home was not as dreamy. After flying all day from Madrid to JFK airport, we find that our flight to Chicago had been cancelled along with literally 1,000 other flights at JFK, O'Hare, and Dulles. Five hours of hanging out in the Admirals Club still with no available flights (and no hotel rooms), we get the last Hertz vehicle to drive from NYC to OKC. Mike drove the entire 1,500 miles with moi, my mother, and Mike's daughter, Nicole.

     After three days of travel with very little sleep, we pick up our dog, Aussie, arrive home and then have to break into our house because of an unpredictable door lock. A week later another group of fascinating women come for my second spiritual retreat, made even more special because my editor, Genie Addleton, came from Atlanta. As the ‘Dream Police,' I will be checking refrigerators to see if the owner's dreams are posted!

     The BIG news for March is that some of Mike's sermons (taped when he was senior pastor at Westminster) are now on our website! And we will be adding more soon. Many of you know that Mike is a gifted speaker: the non-preachy preacher who makes us smile, stretches our minds and hearts, inspires and delights us.

YBD- Your Bounden Duty    PYE- Part of Your Education (acronyms à la Archibald Edwards)  MNH- you Might Need a Handkerchief (à la LA)

We saw The DaVinci Code and were disappointed- at least compared to the entertainment quotient surrounding the novel. I love Tom Hanks, but perhaps Harrison Ford would have made a better lead. Mike thinks Catherine Zeta-Jones would have been good in the female lead but I think he says that remembering her legs in Chicago.

YBD- Your Bounden Duty    PYE- Part of Your Education (acronyms à la Archibald Edwards)
                                   MNH- you Might Need a Handkerchief (à la LA)

Movies, books, ad trivia
Movies we have seen:

YBD- Your Bounden Duty    PYE- Part of Your Education (acronyms à la Archibald Edwards)
                                   MNH- you Might Need a Handkerchief (à la LA)

                      Excerpt from   If She Knew Then  by Lolly Anderson©2005

It is a surprise, coming down the long lane, past canopied trees and open fields, the house is: big, white, columned, nestled among old boxwood and ancient trees. The oldest tree of all, a golden Gingko, sprinkles its dainty fan like leaves on the front porch hinting of the refinement within.

The car made its way down the lane, the three occupants silent and somber. This visit to Ellington Plantation was not for a charmed party with candles illuminating wine glasses, polished silver, and smiling eyes above silk dresses and striped ties.

Millie walked slowly through the front hall past the circular staircase and into the living room where the purple draped casket stopped her. She willed herself not to cry. The last time she was in this room, it was full of laughter and light, jeweled women in long dresses, men in black tie. She was 18 years old and a new world of elegance and sophistication, not to mention love, had opened up for her. But that was over now and the only one who knew how she felt was under purple velvet.

The plantation was already a hundred years old when General Lee stayed there. Senators from Washington, presidential candidates, ballerinas, artists, and one impressionable young girl were among the guests at the many elegant parties hosted through the years. If Millie slept late, the plantation's grande dame would likely awaken her by playing Chopin on the big black grand piano in the front hall.  There were two house rules. The first one: no drinks on the piano, the second rule no one could remember.

Lee Trevor, the grande dame, was the most elegant woman ever called that. A graduate of Bennington at age 18, her brains and musical talents would have made her a concert pianist if she had not chosen to marry the 12^th generation descendent of Ellington Plantation.  As she was a descendent herself of Robert E. Lee, hence her first name, it was fitting that she would restore Ellington Plantation to a grandeur it had never known, even when the General stayed there.

Lee greeted those who had come to pay their respects to her son with the stoic grace she was known for. Her oldest son, brilliant, funny, handsome, musical, so much like Lee herself, was gone.

          YBD- Your Bounden Duty     PYE- Part of Your Education (acronyms à la Archibald Edwards)

                                                  MNH-  Might Need a Handkerchief (à la LA)

            There are countless stories throughout history about people losing everything and yet still going forward and even coming to a new place of happiness.  These stories inevitably involve a certain philosophy, a faith in something, a strength that belies human limitations.

            When loss happens to us, it is our chance to pull from within ourselves our spiritual resources and more often than not, we are surprised to find such a powerful force. Maybe that is why I have always been drawn to spiritual things, why I write this newsletter: I want more of that powerful force.

When loss happens to others, it is our chance to do something transformative for someone else.  We know now more than ever that individuals will meet needs faster and more efficiently than large bureaucracies!

In the midst of loss and suffering is the delightful world of children that pulls us back to the vibrancy of life. Given the inexorable independence of our grandchildren, the original concept of producing a quarterly newsletter by kiddos featuring one subject was like picking up mercury. Therefore, I have made an editorial decision to wrap The Spiritual Times by Kids into this newsletter so that we can enjoy ad hoc the special love, humor, and wisdom that only children can offer. To illustrate that children do indeed live in a different world, I relate this conversation between granddaughters Kirstin, age 9, and Ali, age 6. Big sister Kirstin was pointing out to Ali a certain rule, to which Ali responded: "Not in my world!"

            Kirstin: "Ali, there isn't an Ali world." Ali: "Yes, there is. That's where I live."

                  Not only do children understand concepts of different realities, they understand concepts of the mind, as shown by this scene with grandsons Charlie, age 4, and Sam, age 2. Sam and Charlie were sitting at the dinner table. Charlie was staring ahead, zoned out from a very busy day of play. After several failed attempts at making conversation, Sam reached over and tapped Charlie on the head three times...rap, rap, rap...saying...  "Is that thing on?"

Movies, books, ad trivium~

Old world charm, fascinating characters, and intriguing plot are yours to enjoy in one of my favorite books ever: The Shadow of the Wind by Carlos Ruiz Zafón. The audiotapes read by actor Jonathan Davis are masterful. YBD

"Just Like Heaven" with Reese Winterspoon and Mark Ruffalo is my kind of romantic comedy: funny and entertaining around issues of life, death, and unseen realities. PYE

"The March of the Penguins" is a beautiful, captivating, amazing film about the mating rituals of our South Pole black tie friends. YBD

          YBD- Your Bounden Duty     PYE- Part of Your Education (acronyms à la Archibald Edwards)

                                                  MNH- Might Need a Handkerchief (à la LA)

    We have now arrived at the Seventh (and last) Rule of the Universe. Part 1: Illusions are thoughts we have about other people and the world that do not work. When we let go of illusions and face the truth, our internal conflict ceases. Part 2: Facts are perceptions other people have about us that limit us. When we ignore those facts and trust our dreams, our dreams rush to meet us.
    "Facts prove that you cannot do anything," the wonderful late actress Ruth Gordon wrote in Open Book. Ruth's dream was Broadway, but "the facts" were, or so she was told, she'd never make it because she did not have beauty, talent, money, or connections. She ignored those facts, never let go of her dream, and became one the greatest actresses on Broadway and film.
    My cousin Bill could have given up when he wasn't admitted into the Air Force Academy on the first try. However, Bill graduated as Wing Commander, first in his Academy senior class. Last month, General Bill Looney was pinned with his fourth star making him one of ten active Air Force generals. The ceremonies at Randolph AFB in San Antonio were very proud moments for our family made all the more poignant by the death, six months ago, of Bill's father, W. Robert Looney, Colonel (Ret) USAF. We all held a deep sense of respect and appreciation for those who sacrifice to protect our American way of life. Like his father and uncle (my late father who was also a pilot in the USAF) before him, Bill is not afraid to fight for freedom. In the wake of the horrific bombings in London, I am more grateful than ever that Bill pursued his dream of being a pilot in the United States Air Force.
    My dream is to see my book, How My Magic Refrigerator Sent Me to Paris Free & the First 7 Rules of the Universe, published. I have a lot of "facts" to ignore but I'm sticking to Ruth Gordon's advice.
Movies, books, ad trivium.
    "Big Fish" with Albert Finney and Ewan McGregor is our HBO pick this month -- a well-done flick whose main character displays amazing similarities to one story-telling Presbyterian minister. PYE
    Carolyn Hart's Letter from Home won't disappoint you. Set in a small Oklahoma town during WWII, the vivid yet subtle imagery and surprise ending distinguish it from other mystery and coming-of-age novels. PYE

YBD- Your Bounden Duty PYE- Part of Your Education (acronyms à la Archibald Edwards)
MNH-you Might Need a Handkerchief (à la LA)

        Anne Morrow Lindbergh wrote a wonderful poem, excerpted below, that is perfect for our January thoughts:
"Already I have shed the leaves of youth, Stripped by the wind of time down to the truth/Of winter branches...The pattern of my boughs, an open chart/Spread on the sky, to others may impart/Its leafless mysteries that once I prized, Before bare roots and branches equalized;/Tendrils that tap the rain or twigs the sun/Are all the same; shadow and substance one./Now that my vulnerable leaves are cast aside,/There\'s nothing left to shield, nothing to hide./Blow through me, Life, pared down at last to bone,/So fragile and so fearless have I grown!"

Here are some movies worth the time:
The Aviator with Leonardo DiCaprio playing Howard Hughes, Cate Blanchett playing Katherine Hepburn, Hughes\' contributions to the aviation industry, his personal prison vis-à-vis his daring flying and thinking, beautifully filmed, captivating for 3 hours-YBD.

The book I am currently reading, Callings, Finding and Following an Authentic Life by Gregg Levoy, is full of insights, engagingly written.

YBD- Your Bounden Duty  PYE- Part of Your Education  (à la Archibald Edwards)

 ~ A continuum of Archibald Edwards\' Pagan Century

          It was always a delight to receive Mr. Edwards\' newsletter, Pagan Century, in which he reviewed the latest plays and concerts, museum exhibits, "flicks" and "eateries" with the codes PYE (part of your education), or YBD (your bounden duty), and possibly 2X (twice the cost of a cafeteria lunch) in the case of a new restaurant. Archibald and his wife, Sarah Stanley (known as Stanley by her friends), were our sophisticated cultural icons in the sparse Oklahoma plains.